you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is my gift to your gina
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
