Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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