Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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