but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
