I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
