Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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