i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
