is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
