You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Couch. On fire.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
