So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
