If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
