i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
