I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
