If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my sisters under your porch take her home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
