I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
