Can i not drive my cunt home
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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