can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
