Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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