just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
