Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
