Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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