I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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