You're my little dorito
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the condom got lost in my hair
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
