hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
