Nicole vs. Life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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