Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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