I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
