ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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