I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize