Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
