Please, let me fuck your mom
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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