4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
