I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sry I called you an 8
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
