I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
