Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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