I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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