and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
