watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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