Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
