My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
