So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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