I CAN MOONWALK!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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