So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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