look no pants
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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