you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
