Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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