you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
