I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
