I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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