also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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