The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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