i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize