I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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