I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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