my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
