I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
