was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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