In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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