Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
