we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
