i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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