oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
