Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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