i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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