We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
