k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
