The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
