oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
