It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
