We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
