bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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